he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
