Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
