My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
