I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
