yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
