Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
