we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
