So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
