I got chris browned last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
