I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
