i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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