I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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