Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
