drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
