I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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