??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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