He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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