The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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