Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
