well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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