remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
