Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
