My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
