Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
