he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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