The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
