I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
