Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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