I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
