3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
