your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
