Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
