Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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