So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
