I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
someone owes me an orgasm
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
