i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
