I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize