i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
