Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
