Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
