It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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