I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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