I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
