is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
