So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
