...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
