they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
