she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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