So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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