It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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