week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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