So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
