I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
