Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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