he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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