I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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