I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
