White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
