why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
