...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
