In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
