It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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