Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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