Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
