im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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