What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Your dad touched me again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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