We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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