A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize