Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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