Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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