The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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