You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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