I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
