Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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