i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize