I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
