I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
