I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
