I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
