I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
