at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
